i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
