It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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