i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
