I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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