I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
