Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
