God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
