I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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