everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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