I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
