oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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