Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
