I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
