I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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