Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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