If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize