He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
