Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
