Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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