yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
