I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
