my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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