Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So many bounce houses so little time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
