girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize