i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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