we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
