she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
