just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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