I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
