You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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