Where is the hickey?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We are all done wearing pants today
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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