yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
