I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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