dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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