the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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