I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize