I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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