Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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