I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
True strength comes from lack of pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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