fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't put those talents on a resume
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
