rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
