Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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