I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
