She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
