Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize