At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
