I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
