You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
