TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize