If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
