i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
