I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
