You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
