i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Pooping to opera.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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