making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize