Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
