did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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