mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
