So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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