That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
