I am puke
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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