People in love make me want to vomit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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