she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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