Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do herpes really smell.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
