standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
