We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
