i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
