I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
