What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize