I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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