saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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