Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
