dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
