I will die if light touches me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
