we made out on top of his cat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
