Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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