Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
