tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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