I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize