we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
