He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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