I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
