I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
