I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
