why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
