4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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