you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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