So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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