I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
