I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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