Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
