my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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