If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize