Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so let's talk penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
