He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
